days like these

make me feel i’m right back where i used to be. i don’t know how to fully explain it and honestly, i don’t know if i would even want to, but it’s like i’m one of those ghosts on a movie that’s trying to talk to people, but no one can hear or see me.

and i know it’s completely irrational, but i can’t help but feel like no one wants to be around me. it’s like, i want to talk to people but i just feel like i’m going to get on their nerves so i don’t say anything, i don’t text anyone, i just keep to myself. and i know the only thing i’m doing is isolating myself, but i can’t help it.

i don’t understand how i can go from so happy to so down in less than a week. it feels like old times all over again. i’ve been trying so hard to keep it from happening, but it’s just so emotionally draining. 

even though it’s not something i usually like talking about, i kind of wish i had someone here, someone that i don’t live with, someone that didn’t know me in high school, someone that doesn’t know what i’ve been through, that would at least be there for me when i’m feeling like this. i don’t know, it sounds stupid. i just need to be around someone right now. being by myself is the last thing i need.