let down

i was excited about this weekend because it was the first weekend back at school and the first week of classes went so well, but i don’t know, it wasn’t as great as i imagined. friday at tke was alright. it was a typical party night. i spent time with my dad, stepmom, brother, sister, and uncle yesterday so that was nice, but it was kind of boring when i got back to the dorm and we didn’t end up going out. and then today all we did was sit around and we didn’t even attempt to go out tonight even though there aren’t classes tomorrow.

for some reason, alyssa kept telling me to hang out with tim but he and i never actually talked about it, so that didn’t end up happening either. sometimes i just get the feeling that i get on his nerves or that he doesn’t actually like me as a friend at all and it’s a really shitty feeling if you ask me. and of course i’m just super paranoid about getting on people’s nerves already, so it’s just great. especially after what happened last weekend.

i don’t know, i’ve just been in a weird state this weekend. i don’t know how to explain it, but it’s starting to feel like i’m slipping back into my old ways of thinking. i’m trying so hard to stop it. let’s see how it works.